|There is nothing more for me, I need the end to set me free
||[Sep. 14th, 2004|11:14 am]
|[||* i * Am * Feeling * ||
|[||* i * Am * Hearing * ||
|||||Only the chirps of happy A-Level students :(||]|
Dearie me, for once (sarcasm there children) I am not a happ'ar bunn'ar.
Received a beautiful e-mail informing me on everything dear Grant has been getting up to with his new "proper fit" girlfriend.
Took great pleasure (yes, sarcasm again) to reading everything (yes it is everything...already) they've done together. I wouldn't give a toss if Grant had told me from the start that he didn't give a shit about me and would get over me easily, but he fed me all this emotional bullshit that really screwed my head up, when I already had to deal with the small problem of me moving in less than a week.
He made me feel guilty for the decision I made even thought I had nothing to apologise for, he got my closest friends involved in the whole situation, he shouted, he made me feel bad, he tells me that "We were the closest thing he'd ever had" And then two weeks later he's shacked up with someone else. He caused me all this unnecessary aggravation, and for what? A big fook all that's what.
I would have some empathy toward him if he was actually upset with my departure but he seems to be loving the fact I'm not there, why couldn't he have been like that from the start? Instead of acting like he's in a Shakespearian Melodrama? Making me feel like shit when I had no reason to?
Then he tells everybody not to inform me on his new woman, why I ask? Is he that arrogant that he thinks I'll be distraught? No, it's because he knows exactly what I know: He didn't give a flying fuck about me ending it, he just made a big deal out of it because he's a pathetic little drama queen and he knew I'd realise that he was bullshitting all along. It took him no time to get over me and to move on to something better.
All that 'emotional torment' he burdened Kelly with, who then told me all of it was complete attention seeking lies and bollocks.
So now I'm sitting here, I feel like shit, Grant never gave a toss about me, he wasn't bothered in the slightest, I told everybody that he was just being dramatic, but he managed to convince them to convince me otherwise....Now I feel like a COMPLETE FOOL.
How am I meant to feel now? I thought Grant genuinely cared, and it reassured me and built some confidence up that I wasn't a complete loser with boys. But now I know the truth, and yes it hurts, but at least I know that I AM a loser with boys and NONE of them will EVER care.